you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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