It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
