Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
