i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
