R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize