I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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