Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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