i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
