Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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