well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
