I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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