Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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