I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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