Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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