Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize