I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
