Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Even my vagina gasped.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
