every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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