She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
