So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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