Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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