I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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