That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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