Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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