Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
