my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
