i think my tv is drunk
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
