so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize