Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
