I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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