I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
