??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
