Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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