you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
