We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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