What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
