Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
