i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
