You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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