God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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