So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
