i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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