She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
