well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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