Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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