wat bout pragnant strippers??
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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