He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
