Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
