Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
