i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
