I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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