hotel room ftw
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
