I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
