I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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