I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
