some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
