I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
