so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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