i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize