are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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