there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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