The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
