We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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