I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
