Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
