Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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