don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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