I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
