I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
