I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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