Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize