she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
