She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
