omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
