wake up i wanna do it froggy style
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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