My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize