watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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