I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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