Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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