dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize