They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize