meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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