oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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