Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
